


Letters with Lena

by takeyouraim



Series: Love Letters [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Letters, Love Letters, Oblivious Kara, Pining Idiots, background dansen, explores loss of trust, i don't know exactly how this all lines up with canon, kinda hurts a bit, so canon divergent, warning: explores lena's childhood abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:53:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25137997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takeyouraim/pseuds/takeyouraim
Summary: Lena and Kara write letters back and forth to each other in order to try and repair their friendship.(Okay so I haven't been watching, but it was super bumming me out that the writers didn't give them a way to healthily repair their problems. this is my attempt. Some sometime before crisis?)
Relationships: Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Series: Love Letters [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1871356
Comments: 51
Kudos: 271





	Letters with Lena

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lilM31](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilM31/gifts).



> These are handwritten letters. Kara's handwriting is clear, but a little lacking neatness. Some of her letters have some splotches of whatever food she was eating at the time, expect for the last one. 
> 
> Lena's handwriting changes with her mood. At first, it's flowing and practiced, what she would use for notes that would be distributed to the board or a professional letter. But it changes. The handwriting that is the most comfortable and natural to her, and therefore in later letters or when she's being vulnerable, is what you'd find on a blue print -- clear, neat, and mostly capital letters.

**LETTER ONE - TO LENA**

Dear Lena,

I know this is old school, and maybe kind of pathetic, but this is the only way I know to communicate with you without getting in your space or forcing you to talk to me when you don’t want to. This is also the only way I know how to talk to you without both of our feelings getting the better of us. I think we both have hotter tempers than we like to admit. You don’t have to read this letter, though I do hope you will. I just have to feel like I’m trying to rebuild us. I’ve told you several times that I will always be your friend. That hasn’t changed.

I know how much hurt you’ve had in your life, and I never wanted to add to that. I never wanted to be yet another reason why you can’t trust, can’t let people in. Because when you open yourself up to the love you actually deserve, it is so easy to see that your soul is beautiful. Your soul is one deserving of kindness, forgiveness, love, family, friends, and most importantly: happiness. I wanted all of that for you. I still do.

There are many excuses I could give for why I didn’t tell you my secret. At first, it was because we were never supposed to be friends. I was merely Cat Grant’s assistant. I had a small circle of friends that I loved and trusted, who were already my world. Just to give you an idea:

Obviously, Kal, Alex, Eliza, and Jeremiah. They’re my family, after all. I never told a soul growing up. Alex was my best friend, I didn’t need to tell anyone else, and the Danvers make it quite clear that this secret could be life or death. They were right, in a way. Alex and I were goofing around one night, then they came to take me away. Jeremiah offered to go instead.

J’onn, or Hank, knew. Either because Jeremiah told him or because it was his job… or both.

James knew because Kal told him. They’re basically brothers, after all. Kal sent him to keep an eye on me.

I told Winn after I revealed myself, to catch that plane. But really, I only told him because Alex was mad at me for revealing myself.

I never had plans of “joining the family business.” I was… relatively content with my life as Cat’s assistant and Alex’s sister. But Alex was on that flight. I sat back and watched my home die, my parents die, while I was sent to safety. I couldn’t do that with Alex.

After that, people found out. But I never revealed my secret to anyone. Cat Grant guessed one time, and we used J’onn’s shapeshifting power to fool her. The secret wasn’t really even mine. The DEO ended up controlling a lot of that. 

By the time I realized that you were someone I could trust and that you were someone I wanted in my life forever, I worried it was too late. Too late to tell you who I really was. But besides that, I liked having the two separate lives with you. You treated Supergirl as an equal, not a hero. You held her to the same standards you would anyone else. I loved that. But more importantly, you didn’t treat Kara Danvers as the poor orphaned girl who somehow managed to make it. I didn’t feel like I had to dumb myself down around you. 

Lena, when I was with you, it was one of the few times I felt like the girl I was on Krypton. It was a life I left decades ago, but when I was around you, a warmth filled in my chest that was nothing short of  home .

I can tell myself, and you, that I lied to you for your protection. But it was for my own too. I needed to feel like Kara Zor-El once in a while. It helped on days that I wished I never left Krypton. Because it reminded me that, if I hadn’t left home, I never would have met you.

I’m not going to keep writing you letters. I know that, at some point, I need to let you be. You deserve the autonomy to decide who you want in your life, and I’m going to do my best to respect that.

I also hope that this letter might show the trust I have in you. I’ve clearly said who I am, both lives. But I trust you, Lena. I trust you with this information, and I trust that you wouldn’t hurt me with it.

All my love,

Kara

PS -- I’m sorry for creepily taping this to your window, but I was a little nervous about sending this the old fashioned way. I trust you, but if this letter fell into the wrong hands well… Alex would probably kill me. If you want to write back, you could send it through CatCo. Or regular mail. Or carrier pigeon. I’ll find it.

**LETTER TWO - TO LENA, one week later**

Dear Lena,

Okay, I know I said I wouldn’t bombard you letters but… writing to you felt so good. I thought about just writing the letters but not sending them, but the idea that you just might be reading these and not burning them… Well it’s helped the last couple days.

If my astrological charts are correct, this is the week of my mother’s birthday. My birth mother. I’ve been thinking about her a lot. There were a lot of things she did that I don’t agree with. They ignored that Krypton was dying. Both of my parents. They let it happen. But she had her own reasons, and she did everything she could to try and rebuild.

I think you already know this, but if you don’t… The House of El was one of the top families on Krypton. Almost like nobility, I guess. Science led the government, and my father sat on the Science Counsel. He was one of the best scientists we had. He used to bring me into his lab, and together we solved so many things.

My mother was one of the most influential judges on Krypton. Between her and my father, they were a rather powerful couple. They made so many mistakes, and with more information or a stronger will or something, they probably could have saved Krypton from its death. Still, she rebuilt. She rose above.

It’s that part of her that reminds me of you. Not the mistakes part. Your strength and perseverance. 

My parents would have loved you. Your kind heart and clear mind. Plus, my father would have been fascinated to work with you. I think if the two of you had the chance, you guys would have solved all the worlds’ problems together.

It’s hard now, after spending all of that time thinking they were gone. I watched the planet die from my pod, but my father’s inventions saved them. Of course, I didn’t find that out for like thirty years.

But now, knowing everything they did… it’s strange to miss my mother. She’s alive but… she’s not the person I knew. Nor is she anywhere close to me being able to visit. Sometimes I can speak to her through a hologram, but it’s rare we can get that to work.

We were a happy family. Leaving was one of the hardest times in my life. But it’s nowhere near as hard as it has been to not see you or talk to you. When we yell at each other… it breaks my heart. I never was one for yelling. None of us were.

I remember you telling me about your mom. Your real mom, not Lillian. I hated that you got ripped away from someone so warm. I hated that you knew the pain of watching and unable to do anything. You’re the only person I know who’s experienced that too. 

I don’t know why I’m writing to you about my family. Partially, I know it kind of hurts Alex and Eliza to hear me talk so wistfully of a life they were never part of. They did their very best by me, but I was thirteen when I left Krypton. I remember what it was like to be held by my mother or work next to my father. I remember all of that.

I guess that’s why I’m writing to you. Like I said in my last letter, you feel like home. You make me feel like Kara Zor-El.

Had I stayed, I would have been a scientist too.

I won’t keep doing this, I promise. I know it might be unsettling to find the letters taped and I swear I’m not spying on you, I just… needed to find a way to tell you how I feel.

Love,

Kara

**LETTER THREE - TO LENA, two days later**

Lena ---

Okay, okay. This is the last one, I swear. Rao, I really hope you’re reading these.

Supergirling kinda sucks when I can’t stop by your office. I loved having those visits. As Supergirl or Kara. Our lunches were highlights of my day.

I realized recently, that you are the best friend I ever had. Don’t tell Alex.

Winn tried to be a good friend, and for a long time, I thought we could be. I still care for him deeply, but… as Kara, he had a puppy crush on me. He thought he was in love with me, but when he found out that I’m Supergirl, he had some weird hero-worship thing going on. Like I was something to marvel. Neither person could do any wrong by him. And I know I’ve done plenty wrong. I’ve never been that good at making decisions, honestly.

I tried so hard to ignore how he felt about me. I tried to make it clear to him that he was like a brother. Of course, once I turned him down and he started to date and get over me, things got better. Still, though. Supergirl was his hero. He never would tell me when I was in the wrong, except for when him and James did that little crusade of theirs.

James was a friend too. But not like you. I know I keep saying it, but I felt like my old self with you. 

You weren’t shy with your criticism. Because of that, I wanted both Kara and Supergirl to be someone you could be proud of. That you’d stand behind. Because, when I would be that person, your eyes would shine with something… holy, almost. Something that I don’t think I can put into words. But it looked like the way I felt whenever you came up with a new invention or showed your selflessness or just… smiled.

But, I wasn’t that person. By keeping my secret and lying to you, neither one of my personas were the person who would make you proud, and I can’t separate the two anymore. I’m going to try and be better. Even if I don’t hear from you or we continue to fight or if you haven’t read these letters. I promise to you now, that I will do everything I can to be someone you want to know. To try and get that look back in your eye.

I hope, the next time we meet, you might be a little less angry with me. I hope I can tell you about Krypton some time. I hope that maybe, one day, we can sit in my apartment and I can force you to watch obscure musicals. Until then, I hope you know how much I regret my actions. I regret lying to you, and hurting you, and causing you not to trust more.

You deserve the world, Lena Luthor. 

Yours,

Kara

**LETTER FOUR - TO KARA, two weeks later**

Kar,

Please don’t stop writing.

Also, for the love of your god and my lack of one, please stop putting both names in these letters. I leave the office twice a day to come make sure there’s nothing taped to the window that might get into the wrong hands. I get it, you trust me, now please go back to having some sense of self preservation.

This is good. Letters are good. I don’t like yelling, especially at you.

Lex used to yell all the time. I still remember how his spit would fly when I really screwed up.

He was supposed to be there for me, you know? When I first came to the Luthors, he was kind. He taught me chess. He looked out for me and made sure that I wasn’t in Lillian’s line of fire when it was bad.

I don’t know when he started to act like she did. I think it was after my father died. When he died… I guess Lex took it as an excuse to be more like her. Then, yelling was the only way they talked to me. Or bitterly given orders, at the very least.

You didn’t damage me, Kara. I always was damaged.

Lena

PS - Stop taping these to the window. I’ve unlocked the balcony door again. You can bring them inside.

**LETTER FIVE - TO LENA, one day later**

Lena,

You wrote back. I honestly didn’t think you would.

Also, how did you manage to break into my apartment to leave it on my counter? I’m seriously impressed. And a little worried. Alex approved the security I have here.

Lena, you aren’t damaged. You’re just you. You’re a person with feelings, but not damaged. It’s not like you’re a coffee cup with a hole in the bottom. Your family treating you poorly doesn’t mean you’re worthless.

My dad always said that people only yelled when they want to be heard, not listened to. And you never want to listen if you want to yell. It’d do everyone more good if you just went outside and screamed at the top of your lungs. Then you’d feel better without hurting those you cared about.

I think that’s why humans like sports so much. It’s cathartic to go yell at something that doesn’t actually matter in the long run. Not to be listened to, but just to be heard. To feel those vibrations in your chest.

It makes sense now. I could always see you shutting down and your walls coming up when people raised their voices around you. Almost like you’d flinch and recoil like someone raised a hand to you. I guess both are violences, in a way. 

It’s not about you, if someone yells at you. It’s about them. It’s their own fault they can’t control their temper. There is never a reason for one adult to do that to another. And that includes me. If we talk to each other in person again, I promise to do everything I can to keep my temper in check, even if it means walking away for a while to get a handle on my emotions.

I don’t know why you cause me to lose control of my emotions like that. That’s never happened with friends before. 

Just in case this wasn’t already clear… I care deeply about you, Lena. I understand that to you, my actions may not say that. But really, you are one of the most important people in my life. The possibility of losing that really scares me.

Love you,

Kara

**LETTER SIX - TO KARA, one week later**

Dear Kara,

I’d say that a lady never reveals her secrets, but that seems a little counter-productive right now. 

I learned how to pick locks during undergrad. It started out as research for a project freshman year, then was a really fun party trick. Also, your alarm code is the day you got here. You should pick something random.

Also, I could just short out that alarm box. If you do change the code, you should just tell me what it is so I don’t have to do that to drop stuff off.

Sorry it’s taken me a little while to write back. I had never had someone call the yelling my family does violence. I never thought of it like that. Granted, I never gave myself time to think about it. I have now.

Lillian and Lex don’t yell at each other. Only me. And only when I do something that goes against their ultimate mission. So, you know, just about whenever we interact. Lex always gets in my face, too. Close enough that he could hit me.

Sometimes, I wish he would. I know he wants to. Then I could understand him better. I could understand exactly how he sees me. Less than. I know he thinks that, but he pretends not to so he can get things from me.

I know this sounds awful, but sometimes I admire them for how firmly they stick to their convictions. Not that I agree with them, of course. But they don’t care who disagrees with them, except for me. They don’t care that half the world sees them as villains. They also don’t care that history will probably remember them that way.

It must be a trait from Lillian, because I certainly don’t have it. If I did, a lot would be different, I think. If I did, I don’t know if I would have taken over LuthorCorp. It’s never what I wanted. I never wanted to be the paper pushing, glad handing face of a company. I like inventing too much. Now, I have to use all my free time to do it. And I haven’t had the energy or ideas lately.

And maybe I wouldn’t be single now I cared so much about what people thought.

After what you said about yelling at sports, I did something a little weird. And pissed off my neighbors. I went outside onto my balcony and yelled. I screamed until I was out of breath. Then I took another and screamed again. I screamed until I cried.

Anger is a front. A front when you don’t want to be sad. I needed to be sad. I needed to cry. I didn’t know how badly I needed to cry.

Not just about your secret. About… everything. About my life. My family. About not having the things I long for and knowing I never will have it. I cried for missing my mom and Lionel. I cried for the boy Lex was.

It felt good. It felt… freeing.

I lose control when it comes to you too, Kara. After all, I let you in. Few people have gotten beyond the person I want them to see. Thank you for that. I’m not concerned that we don’t have a reign over our emotions with each other. It just means we’re equally invested, I think.

I know you care about me, Kara. Really, I do. I know that you did what you had to do. That doesn’t take away the hurt, though. It scares me to lose you. It always has.

Love,

Lena

**LETTER SEVEN - TO LENA, three days later**

Dear Lena,

I can’t believe you know that date. I’ll keep the code the same. No one will know it. And take as much time as you need. I’m so happy we’re talking at all.

You knowing how to pick locks… I love it. Maybe you could teach me some time. Alex isn’t the most patient and well… some say I should learn more subtlety than just breaking door hinges. You’re full of surprises, Lena Luthor.

Lena, any form of confrontation that is meant to spark fear in the confronted, either outright or passively, is violent. Especially if it’s been done repeatedly so that response is ingrained in you. Them yelling at you like you’re still a child… it’s violent. And it’s meant to make you feel afraid and submissive just like you would as a child.

You are so much more than the family that raised you, Lena. And their complete inability to consider others before they act? I don’t know… Like, I get the need to do your own thing to an extent, but their convictions are wrong.

Going against everything and everyone because of what you believe in… It’s tricky, right? Like some of the most important people in the world did that, but… it’s different. I know you like things in black and white, but it’s not. You consider others because you love people. You feel things in ways that, frankly, they don’t. You worry about how people you care about will think of your actions. Sometimes to a fault.

I challenge you to do one thing that will make you happy, but may not make others happy. Be it your family, your board of directors, me… Just one thing. Maybe it’s blocking out a few hours a week where you get to be uninterrupted in your lab. Like Fridays, from 2:00 on, no meetings, no phone calls. Just you and your lab. Something like that. Your board might be a little annoyed because they want that time from you, but in the long run, you’ll be better for it. It doesn’t have to be that, of course. But I think you should do something like that. Just one thing. It can be small, like buying a new couch that’s super comfy but maybe not the most stylish and Lillian would hate. You never got to be a rebellious teenager. Do something a little rebellious now.

That was you making all that noise? I was in the middle of something when it started, but Rao… I flew all around trying to find whoever was hurt. 

Good for you. I bet that felt freeing. Maybe I should try it.

I started painting. I know, it’s kind of a weird hobby for me to have, but it’s nice. It’s something that my powers don’t help. It helps me feel a little more normal. I kinda suck at it still, but the painting that’s on your counter is how I remember the Krypton sky at night, from my bedroom window. I don’t know… I thought you’d like it.

I’m so sorry I broke your trust. I know I keep saying that and I feel like all I can do is say it over and over again. I know I broke it. I know. And I did it for such selfish reasons. Yes, I was worried about your safety, but I was far more concerned about my own comfort. 

I am completely invested in trying to fix this, Lena. It is weird, though, when I see you now. I don’t feel angry anymore. I feel like something is missing, kinda. I want to be like we used to be around you, but I know we aren’t there. In fact, I know that it’s unlikely we’ll ever go back to what was “normal.” That we’ll have to end up finding what we’re comfortable with as a new normal. I hope when we find that, you’ll let me hug you once in a while. It seems like you could use a hug.

You’re not gonna lose me, Lena. When it comes down to it, I’m here for you. I am always here for you. Just… stick your head out your window and holler for me. I’ll be there.

Love always,

Kar

**LETTER EIGHT - TO KARA, three days later**

Kar,

Of course I know it. It’s important to you.

I will teach you how to pick locks some day. It takes patience, though.

I put this painting in a frame and it’s in my room now. It’s beautiful, Kara. When I teach you how to pick a lock, you need to tell me more about Krypton. If you’re comfortable, that is. I’d love to hear about your home.

It’s hard to think of that as violence. Because if it is violence, the logical conclusion is that I was abused by them. I don’t really know how I feel about that conclusion.

Okay. I’m going to do a couple things. For one, I’m going to do something that will upset my mother. I’m going to tell you the truth about something.

Kara, I’m gay. For a while, I convinced myself I was… a little more open than that. I really wanted to be. Jack. If I could love a man and be with a man, it would have been Jack. I dated women when I was at MIT. Well, one woman, in particular. But I couldn’t be the person she needed, because I knew Lillian would never accept it. I was already a disgrace in the family, this would have been so much worse. 

I don’t know if this is something I can say publicly yet. But, I wanted to tell you.

I’m also going to do what you said. After 3:00 on Fridays, I get my lab. No interruptions. My staff can go home early. I know you said 2:00 and you’re probably thinking that I should give myself another hour, I’m going to start with this. 

But the last thing I’m going to do, I think you might be upset by. I’m going to line my lab with lead. It’s not that I think you’re spying on me for Alex or something, but I kind of feel like I don’t get any privacy anymore. I opened up to you in ways I never have with anyone. And now I know that you have these powers that can see and hear me always. I know you’re not spying on me, but sometimes someone needs to know they have space. Like a locked door. Do you trust me enough to not know what I’m doing in my lab?

I know I can holler for you if I need you, but I’ll probably just stick to texting if I need you. It’s a little less conspicuous. 

Love,

L

PS - I miss your hugs.

**LETTER NINE - TO LENA, one week and four days later**

Dear Lena,

Sorry it’s been a bit. I’ve been with Kal. He just had a son. This is the first child that we know of to be bi-species. Of course, there’s probably more out there. But we could make huge advances in our understanding of aliens on Earth with this. Plus, he’s super cute. 

I want to make sure I cover everything I need to in this letter, but if I skip something, that’s not because I am intentionally not commenting. It’s because I’m staring at a picture of the cutest baby in the whole world.

I’m honored that you would display such an awful picture among your art. And I will happily tell you about Krypton some day. Dad used to know all the lore about the constellations. I still remember some of them.

Thank you so much for telling me, Lena. I’m so sorry your mother wouldn’t let you be yourself, or let you be happy. Your ex lost out on a truly wonderful person.

Are you in my head? Because yes, that is what I was thinking. It’s just an hour, and I bet your board might be secretly incredibly pleased that they can’t bother you on Fridays. Don’t they all like golfing or squash or some other boring rich dude activity?

All that said, good. I can’t wait to see what that brilliant brain of yours comes up with. When you’re ready to show me.

Do what you need to do, Lena, but be careful. Like… isn’t lead bad for you? Either way, I understand you wanting privacy in there. I trust you to put that guard up, and if Alex thinks it’s weird for whatever reason, whenever she finds out, I’ll ensure she understands so she doesn’t do something… Alex-like. However, I want to tell you that the DEO traces the radiation signature of Kryptonite. Not saying you’d use it or do something nefarious, but if you were trying to do some experiments and you took too large of an amount at once, they’d find out. You could avoid that by informing Alex ahead of time if you were trying to do some work. Again, just a heads up. I don’t want the DEO busting down your door, and you know that when it comes to me, Alex doesn’t always think before she acts. 

Let me know when you’re ready for a hug. I have an endless supply for you.

I’m not going to make you talk or think more about your family situation while you process things. I will say, you deserve so much better than the way they treated you. You shouldn’t have to be afraid of your family, Lena. They should give you a sense of warmth and safety and comfort. 

Your mom… she’d love the person you are, Lena. Smart, caring, and wanting to better the world. And a laugh that lights up the room. I know it’s hard to let people in. I know the loss you’ve experienced. I hope we can laugh together soon.

Love you,

Kara

PS - I couldn’t help it. Here’s a picture of Conner (Kon-El). The House of El isn’t going to die with me. There will be another person to help change the legacy of Krypton. 

Sometimes I forget why I do this. Live two lives. It’s so that I can leave this world better than I found it. So that maybe he won’t have to live two lives. So that he can be fully him. Half human, half Kryptonian, without fear that the world will hate him. So that he can tell the people he cares for who he is and about his past, or that he could tell the person he loves one day about his ancestry on an early date. He won’t have to fear losing love because of his family.

Okay, I’m actually done now and will stop gushing. But look at that face. 

Love you again,

Kara

**LETTER TEN - TO LENA, two weeks later**

Hey, are you okay? I haven’t heard from you in a while.

I hope I didn’t say something to upset you.

Hope I hear from you soon.

**LETTER ELEVEN - TO KARA,** **one week later**

Why are you trying so hard? Seriously, Kara… You could have a better friend than me.

Someone who actually knows how to be a friend. Who won’t fuck it up.

We can just call it, Kara. You have proven your point. Now we can move on.

**LETTER TWELVE - TO LENA, one day later**

Lena,

You saw your brother and mother, didn’t you? You haven’t asked me this until now. It’s been two and a half months since I sent you the first letter. If you really felt this way, I think you would have said all of this two months ago.

Lena, you are deserving of love, patience, kindness, happiness, hugs, and comfort. And a bunch of other great things I’m forgetting. Trust. You’re also deserving of trust. And honesty. And friendship. You deserve to be tucked in a big blanket around a fire with hot chocolate with a ton of marshmallows and every book you could possibly want.

You deserve every happiness. You’re the one who deserves a better friend than me. Someone who lies to you.

It’s taking all of my extra strength to not fly to you right now and hug you. 

You are worth it, Lena. 

You are worth it even if you close up L-Corp and do nothing but garden for the rest of your life.

You’re worth it if you never play a game of chess again.

You’re worth it if you never want us to be best friends again.

You’re worth it if you give up all your money and change your name.

You. Are. Worth. It. You’re worth everything.

xoKara

**LETTER THIRTEEN - TO KARA, two days later**

I miss your hugs.

They always made me feel safe. Maybe, on some subconscious level, I knew you were Supergirl. It’d be weird to feel so safe with someone hugging me otherwise, right?

I did see them. How’d you know? Mother was visiting Lex when I went to see him, actually. We crossed paths. I didn't intend to see her. Just him.

I never should have gone to see him. I was just… feeling lonely and sometimes if I bring a chess board to see him, it feels like when we were kids. Sometimes I still see that playful glint he used to get when he thought he might beat me.

There are days that I dream he never did what he did.

If he never did that, I’d still have a brother. Mother could focus on him. I would still be building robots instead of running a company and pushing papers. Maybe you would have told me who you were ages ago.

But… maybe we never would have met, either.

I’m grateful we did. Even if it means that I lost him.

I want us back, Kar. I really do. This is… helping. The letters, I mean.

You’re worth it all too. Even if you stopped being Supergirl, and just wanted to live normally.

We could run away to a little cabin and garden together. Although, I’d probably put a lab in a basement. You know I have to experiment. 

I could make you doughnuts in the mornings. We could have a huge vegetable patch. Some chickens. I suppose we’d have to live close enough to Chinese delivery though, wouldn’t we?

-L

**LETTER FOURTEEN - TO LENA, one day later**

You know how to make donuts from scratch and I’m just now finding this out? I’m heartbroken. You’re probably one of those magical people who can make potstickers too, aren’t you?

Hugging you always felt like home. Especially when you didn’t wear heels, and you’d nuzzle into my collar bone. Not even my first time flying compares to that.

I like our cabin. Lots of board games and books too. We could take turns reading our favorites to each other.

Eliza actually has a little cabin on a lake. Alex uses it. She and Kelly like to go there when Alex finishes a case. Sometime… we could go. If you wanted.

Maybe sometime, I could tell you about the tech we have on Krypton. We could have fun in the lab in our cabin together.

I miss you so much.

Kara

**LETTER FIFTEEN - TO KARA, a week and a half later**

Yes, I can make donuts. I can cook most things. I haven’t tried potstickers, because I know how much you love your takeout places, but I’m sure I could do it.

You noticed that nuzzle? I’m a little embarrassed. I just… like how you smell. On a bad work day, I think that stopped my head from hurting. Maybe it was just seeing you.

Work is absolutely insane right now. But once this product is out of design and into testing… we should go to Eliza’s cabin. It sounds lovely. Especially if it is capable of making Alex calm down. I’ll let you know when I can take a few days away. Before then, maybe we can watch a movie or something. I’ll let you know when I’ve perfected the potstickers.

I miss you too, Kar. More than you know.

-L

**LETTER SIXTEEN - TO LENA, two weeks later**

Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here. With a new musical to make you watch.

I’m sorry it took me some time to write this.  ~~ It’s taken  ~~ I’ve had to think a bit.

I notice everything about you, Lena. From when we first met. I can hear that little twinge in your voice of your accent. I know you’re either really excited about something, very tired, or kinda drunk because your accent gets thicker. If it’s a combination of those, it’s so thick it sounds like you haven’t spent any time in the US. It’s adorable.

I notice the nuzzle into my collar bone. I notice that you hug tighter at first, then relax. When you relax, your arms move down. Almost like you’re trying to smooth my shirt. Then you hold tighter again, like you want another moment.

I watch the tension bleed out of you when you join a game night. Like you come in still pent up from work, and in minutes you’re laughing fully at some joke.

It’s usually a joke I told. Purposefully to make you laugh. Because I absolutely love your laugh. I love your smile. I love how you kick all of our butts in like… every game ever.

I love everything about you, Lena.

I kept thinking this was just… me being a good friend or something. That I do this with all of my other friends.

I was talking to Alex about it last week. About you. About us. When I told her that, she looked at me like I was a moron.

Apparently, she thought I knew. She thought you knew. I guess everyone knows but me. And maybe you, I don’t know.

You’re my best friend, Lena. And I don’t want to ruin that. I don’t want to ruin the progress we’ve made. I don’t want to lose the tentative plans we have. I really don’t. But I also promised to never lie to you again. To never keep anything from you, ever. This doesn’t have to change anything. I’m still always going to be here for you. I know the amount of problems this would cause. I don’t expect anything in return. But I have to tell you. To make it real.

I love you, Lena. I love you in a way I’ve never felt before.

I’m in love with you, Lena Keiran Luthor.

**Author's Note:**

> I might write the aftermath of that confession. Maybe.


End file.
